Your every life, your every dream, your everything

i'm going to stop looking now... why look for something that would eventually find u. I love, love. But...its not something that u would have to find. i would never stop loving. Never will i stop loving the people i love and have loved before, its funny... i actually still love all that i have loved before, is that unnatural? funny heh? i recently wrote a facebook status, to the dismay of some people i wrote GOOD things about my recent ex girlfriend that did very bad things to me, natural human things but things that i never expected she'd do to me and many times, with many people. The thing is, i love her...now, then and even after all these things i still would trust her. Thats how much i loved her. No matter what she does i got her back, no matter if shes wrong or right i would be there for her because she treated me right while it lasted, it was good while it lasted. i see her now happy with her new beau and inside me i feel good, i feel happy that shes happy. No matter what other people say, and also whatever i feel inside about the contempt and the hate i feel toward her i always will know that she means the world to me, i will never let anyone hurt her. I would never be able to ever say hi to her again, will never be able to smile at her again but i would give that up for her to be happy. even after all she has done to me i forgive her, and i will protect her. and i am confident that love will find me again one day. i'm taking ur advice and looking on the bright side and balancing all that i feel. I have no more pictures of u, of us, but i have our memories and i have our dreams. Thats all i need because u were my everything, and now that everything has finally ran out of words. i will remember the magic, that was you and me.

the hills and sun have more light now, and u dont compare.

ok people this is gonna be a short one cause i have retarded lil dumbass on my right. this lil dumbass was someone i could have called one of the ones. i have just realized not so long ago that i was wrong. this is because she doesnt know, she hasnt learnt, she hasnt learnt to be a person yet, a person with feelings, a person that doesnt care, that doesnt look. i have aged far beyond what i was before, and i cannot expect that much from her, cause when i was her age, i didnt care. she has that attitude where if god crossed her she take all his drugs and burn all his money and his house down. i've never actually blogged about someone in this way before right into their face. offended? prolly not. u havent hit me yet. funny right how i think of u now compared to the time before? why do u think i didnt plan anything special for today... i was going to. lucky i didnt eh? i should have? i dont really care anymore, but when he does hurt u i'll always be here. this is so fun. u like it huh? hmmmmm.... then really tell me what u think honestly, when i've already said so much "offensive" things.helllllloooooooooo...nothing my ass. u basking in ur ex? yeah i know. i'm lucky i dont care anymore. i'm lucky i didnt love u the minute u broke up, i'm lucky i remember what hurtful things they did to me, when i treated them like princes and princesses. i loved u alot. yes yes it was really actually love. because i genuinely thought i could love u, that u could have loved me back, i was blind, stupid, but now u cant say nothing to touch me. although i do still enjoy the company, and i do enjoy being around u. and i do still miss u everytime u go home. everytime we stop talking. but it doesnt matter now, or will never matter. i'm still broken, but i'm not unrepairable. i just feel very used, i feel very angry. read read read cause i dont care anymore, u're lost to me theres always a space for u, eventhough it'll never been filled. but no hope or expectations will be put in cause u dont deserve my hope.

The Witch Of Blair.

Running wild thru the night
As this man escapes the light
He run, he runs, where can he go
where else but to the sea so low

This man is not an ordinary man
Mountains and hills, cities he ran
who is he running from and why he does
has alot to do with his old, broken house

In this house, much he did
to bring much harm to a little kid
he killed this boy with his little toys
and this brought him so much joy

He bested his fears
He jousted his tears
he cut out the little boys eyes, mouth and ears.
Then to celebrate, he downed a couple of beers

He thinks to himself, i can finally sleep
Her voice in my head so damned, so deep
she said she'd stop, she'd go away
no...no...no please don't stay

You're a witch, please dont stay
I cant sleep, eat or pray
I did what u wanted!
You liar! my wish be granted!

I made him face the corner, yes!
let me receive my much earned rest
Took his stomach, oh yes i did!
did so much, this that poor little kid

You told me to, you horrible witch
now u laugh u dirty bitch
out, out, out of my head!
I just want to sleep in my bed

now u drive me into the sea
you ask me to run, from people who harm me
you said you'd protect my life
not cause me so much strife

You are a liar and a witch\
You're a bitch and a lil snitch
you bring me sorrow, guilt and pain
you are my end, my death and my bane

I dont care, you made me do it!
You told me what to do and so i did
no...no i dont care!
even if, you are the witch of blair

Now i die hearing your voice
I wish that i had another choice
this is the end, this is my plight
Dying here with you i fight!

It is over my story ends
my brain is dead, my body is bent
can you leave, please end this horrible test
so i can smile in much earned rest

And the man lies down
On his face a terrible frown
Yes this man is finally dead
With the Witch of Blair still in his head.

Waiting.

i'm suffocating, suffocating... i cant breathe let alone type, seizures every night... every night i cannot help but think of u, and it kills me every second longer, tortured, not enough, punished, no ,no,no help me pleassee.. its gone its gone, i hate HOPE! i HAte it!!

Dagor dagorath

Cold be hand and heart and bone
and cold be sleep under stone
never more to wake on stony bed
never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead
In the black wind the stars shall die
and still be gold here let them lie
till the Devil lifts his hand 
over dead sea and withered land.

The Seven.

diamonds like sand
fill my dreams at night
how i can stand
in this beautiful light


all i can think of are these beautiful things
i want more, more and more!
diamonds make me feel like a king
i want more, more and more!


now i die and now i see
everything has crumbled on top of me                                                GREED
now to these diamonds my flesh i feed
because of my disgusting greed






I see this food, this glorious food!
i see this crab, this beef this big bowl of soup
Oh my god i dont care if i'm rude
Ice cream, ice cream! must have a scoop!


Eat my heart out they say
I laugh and say food is my god
and god is my savior, food makes my day
I eat everything, every pea in every pod!


And now i die, i am in pain
these devils eat out the depths of me
wash down their food with my blood like rain                                     Gluttony
these devils stamp on me, the word Gluttony






I am so pretty, like a flower
nothing is as beautiful as me
people look at me and cower
cause i am the most beautiful thing they see


i walk in a street and see people staring
I am bright because god loves me
look at these whores, hah! stop glaring
Hah! stop staring, you think its free?!


When i'm gone, i see i was wrong
i didnt know until i died
they tear at my face for oh so long
oh no, oh no my beautiful pride                                                           Pride


I hate him he deserves to die
Bury in him in the hard ground will I
I will put his head on a pan and fry
Oh my god i will make him die


When i’m angry i don’t care who u are
I don’t care what i do but u will pay
Run, run but u won’t get far
Stick u in the ground for one whole day


A million years pass and i am dead
So many i’ve killed in my angry path
Now come back and chew me like bread
This prison is my commission for wrath.                                     Wrath






My hands are itchy, my dick is hard
As i see this whore which stands before me
I don’t believe a movie she starred
I am hard oh! Hard as i can be


So many girls i’ve fucked
I love it, i love it, i love all this cum
Yes, yes, suck, suck, and suck!
Taste it, taste it! Does it taste like rum?


Hell! Hell! Why am i in Hell?
Oh why, oh why was sex a must!
Look at me devils bang me like a bell
Bang me for my uncontrollable lust!                                              LUST






How i hate to look at you
You and your beautiful wife
I hate to see and your barbeque
Oh how i hate your beautiful life.


If only i could be in your shoes
Beautiful life, beautiful wife
I want those beautiful tools
I want to have your beautiful life!


All i get in the end of time
Is devils pushing into my heart so heavy
Have i committed such a crime?
Is it so bad just to envy?                                                               ENVY






I throw my clothes here and there
I cannot take all these people telling me what to do
I don’t want to take a bath, don’t wanna wash my hair!
I don’t care if my hair grew!


I don’t care if i’m dirty!
I don’t care if u don’t like me
I like to do what is filthy
I’m gonna be filthy, filthy as can be!


But i regret that i said that
Why couldn’t i just pick up a cloth?
Why was i such a brat!?
Now i pay, being beaten like a sloth.                                           SLOTH

This is my pain..my punishment

in this poem...

i wake up and seeing nothing but...
something or someone making a cut
an incision so small i cant see the wound
this place so dark i cant see no moon.

Where am i, who are you?
he just laughs, and coughs a little too
a searing pain as he rips thru my skin
oh please! oh please! blood runs up my chin

I have never felt this sort on pain
never felt like this was my bane
time passes like so many flies
buzzing around my hollow eyes

after a while the pain goes away
but he keeps coming day after day
to make new pain like i could never dream
like he was just blowing off steam

for some reason i never get to die
like all the world was a beautiful lie
this pain this pain i dont believe
when am i ever going to leave.

a million years pass and nothing new
except i've forgotten a memory or two
i dont remember why i'm here
or do i know this man i fear

my body is gone beyond repair
its torn and seared, ripped with no care
i look no less than the one before me
continuing his work while i watch and see

i am torn my veins are out
in every way my eyes fall out
my hair burnt, my skin is torn
my groin is bone and my tongue is gone

i'm used to it, the pain has passed
my surrounding area here is vast
i feel light and suddenly warm
fall to the ground, after so much harm

I awaken and feel the ground
confused i am with the occurring sound
i dont sense the man nearby
no no this is not a lie

i hear breathing, i hear crying
what is it i hear, is it dying?
i hear a man, first in so long
oh how his voice is such a song

i go closer, as i hear him scream
such a beautiful sound, like a hymn
funny that i notice something
something strange in the voice he sings

Oh my lord what is this i hear...
his voice oh so familiar...
i've heard this voice a million years past
it is the voice of which i cast

and then this lil thing screams and shouts
as i cut him to know without a doubt
Where am i? Who are you?
hahaha... I just laugh, and then i cough a little too.


the continuing cycle of pain, never ending.