Wreck

This is the first post in 3 years.

I've refrained from posting here in the longest time. It's because this is the place is where all of my greatest pains reside. I've left so many memories in the dust here. I've refused to think about the pain, about the pride lost. The graveness of everything I've ever held dear; is in this place.

Today is another one of those moments, which I have to deposit here.

You came into my life as a gift

Came without sorrow, warning or thrift

They said no and I said yes

I was willing to take every test

Willing to do what it took

Bleed, cry, fight and cook

And you gave me your heart

I cherished it right from the start

But you take it away

At any time of day

Then it comes to me again'

And I feel the straining pain

Of never keeping in at bay

Never being able to make it stay

You say you trust my whole

But never have you questioned my soul

I will leave my heart at the door, wont say a word

They've all been said before

All I ask is this, if this is my last night with you

Hold me like i'm more than just a friend, give me a memory i can use

I'm scared of what is coming next

I'm scared of the times that I have nothing left

No one's known me like you do

And since you're the only one that matters, now who do i run to?

Hold my hand, and lets do what lovers do.

All of this is because; it matters how this ends

Cause what if I never love again?

Charmaine Marn Ri Hui.  

As she touches his chest now and he takes of her dress.

i think we live for the silence

the silence that everybody tells us to avoid

that awkward silence

I think that moment lasts forever

and we capture memories and memoirs in the simplicity of it

then we toss it away because the moment was over

with you, the moment is never over and we can never move on

with you the answers lay awake and lie in our faces

more so with you than with me

i had meant this to be romantic

because romance is what im best at

but i guess it didnt turn out the way i'd planned it to be

i guess that everything didnt turn out as planned

because you passed the moment away

and i stand here wishing, that i had too.

You are nothing, but everything at the same time

the trees grow and the fires burn
but i want the keys of life to turn
turn the wheels that push the sky
Skies that turn to dust when they cry

how long can one endure life without the sky
how long can one endure life without a lie
i wish i could see all the answers of the world
i wish i could hear the pleas of the twirl

i really wanna go to a place so perfect and pure
after im done here i can go and do some more
im really lost now confused and spinning round and round
waiting for someone to save me like a princess about to drown

Oh im a girl im a coward and and a lie
im a lil princess hanging, about to die
waiting for knights to come so i can steal their soul
to fill my heart of stone, to feed my head with coal

This is what someone has said to me today
i am but a boy, playing the world of clay
The girl i wish to save thinks of me as not
not a boy, not a man, rather a pretty pussy pot

i cannot say much as i am here and now
this is because im done, here to take a bow
u can think as u wish, and i can be who i am
im a man wishing for too much, too much of what i am

u can call me names, tell me im not good enough
u can tell me that u need all the diamonds in the rough
but i can only reach thus far, because i am but a jest
to save u now, oh a damsel in distress,

U are everything but u want to be nothing
So now i will tell u nothing, to give u everything
I will not be a girl, i will be a knight
so one day i can sweep u off into the light

But i feel i cannot.
Cannot give you all u sought
because again as u said, im but a princess
a damsel in distress.

Eternal slumber

i miss you. i miss your terribly. With tears rolling down my cheeks, muscles straining and funny sounds coming from my mouth, i miss you. Quivering in darkness of my mind once again made lonely by the absence of you. The last three months however tormenting was in actuality, bliss for my soul and i had hoped for more than empty words of trial and tribulations. I had hoped that you would have tried harder or even longer.... I wished in all my soul that we could grow old together and as i am writing this now, i am crying like a little boy. Tears in this has resulted from me being hopeful again when i had swore never to be, after my heart got shattered into dust just 3 years before and now, after trying drastically to put it together it has been vaporized once again. I now can no longer feel warm. I can no longer feel anything. I wanted to make things right. i wanted to help you change yourself into something better. Fix your family, fix your friends and fix Justin. With fixing your family, our new family can be formed and your path to a career can be formed too. With fixing your friends, bonds and memories can be created and with fixing Justin, I could have time with you and him and never have to choose. We had to sacrifice seeing each other for a while. I dont understand why distance has to affect our love. I love you all the same no matter the distance, in fact, i'd love you more with distance. But i guess u had just decided not to try. I had let go of everything and gave i all to u and u decide not to try. i dont wanna go on. i dont wanna live this wretched life. I am going away. im going to my eternal slumber now. Good bye.    

Oh Dear I must have gave u the answer!

When we write we write in black
All the stories our lives are lacked
Can you see the dashes and strokes
or the commas written in jokes

Some times we see the end of time
when a full stop tries to end the rhyme
I would much rather be a pause
Why oh why? Oh, Just... Because!

Because sometimes we see no end
so a comma comes in and lends a hand
a comma means there is some more
even when life closes the door

You may see me as now and then
You may see me as a friend
But when u look, look again
maybe somewhere there is a frame

a frame that leads your heart to me
a comma to be, full stops a three
We will never ever stop
creating a discovery on the roofs atop

For the future holds what i do not know
Im sure there will be many highs and many lows
But does not matter where we are
Like the punctuation, on the bar.

We are but commas, and exclamations!
But we're never structured, in formations
We go where ever and when ever
Its funny that we last forever

So Cynthia dear what do u say
Should we take the leap and fly away?
Or should we go deep in  pens Blue
Or to the Black that we hold so true

Sometimes there gonna be some red
but baby i hope, its not on the bed
Keep my heart close, dont let it crack
and remember dear, to write in black

Crossing hearts

u keep sayin that i repeat everything ive said to every other girl but u dont know that these girls are like the stars and im only waiting for one star to end my endless search for the sun. .

The sun is a star, bright as can be
Its never too far, but far as it may be
I can see it, everyday and sometimes at night
But into the fray, my fists they fight

You are to me, the brightest light
You are to me, the darkest night
i can no longer see, for this way to go
i can no longer be, this boat i row

i can never tell what is true or false
what is tinkerbell and what is claus
my eyes are dark, deafening silence
my mouth a shark, blocking entrance

Funny how i love you so
and carry my heart for you to throw
break or bend, i do not care
my heart to you, i will share

Even though its all broken
they will still be a token
for you to hold, for u to break
for you to put on a birthday cake

i give u all my trust above
i will still be there, my love
Through the dark and lonely night
I will still, try to be your light

To guide the way however lost
to give you love no matter the cost
remember this, my love to you
is in this poem, i hold so true

 

You deserve it. End of Story

i wrote this the day u went away.

I know i fucked up in some way and the only things a=i could think of is these few things. and i will rectify them now,

Your sister left you when u needed her the most. I will never. I will always be by your side. I'll be your sky so whenever you look up. I'll be there to catch you.

Your past boyfriend locked you up and that past week i know you kinda felt that way. Never again. I'll bring you out and nobody is going to ever tell me different because they're gonna have to accept it. They're gonna have to accept you because i said so, and they should love you because i love everything about u. Everything.

end.

I'm sorry. If u dont think u deserve me. I think differently. I dont care if u think u dont. I think you do. if you really say that you've fallen for me, then prove it. Dont run away. Dont be in denial. Prove it. Cause i swear if u back out and leave unknowingly of how it might have worked out, i will be in so much pain. Pain u cant imagine. So if you ever think that you're gonna be bad for me, then think again cause without u, it's gonna be worse. I love you baby. No matter what i still will. Forever and ever babe.