Keep your walls up, but let me decorate them.

a person told me yesterday, i will never be able to show my everything, i will never show you everything that i am. i didnt ask that question, in fact i didnt ask any question. you just told me. and i think that walls are meant to protect u, and i feel i have no walls, i have doors. Open the right one and you're in open the wrong one u'll see nothing. No one has truly opened the right door, not chin lee not sueanne not jil not anyone. not even u. but the thing is with me, you can keep on trying. i've told u things but not everything, i've told u secrets but i havent told u about time.. its a burden. Not one that i would wish on anyone. Have i mentioned that i believe you are beautiful. oh i have not. sorry. i was getting out of hand there....sorry readers! I wouldnt wish anyone to open the right door. i am not and will not ever be everything to somebody. This is because, i will never change the way i think, the way that the people on top has made me. i'm so warped now. i want someone now to open those doors i want someone now to tell me that its not that way, it doesnt have to work that way, i want someone that can tell me that i'm a good person, and to tell me she loves me for those doors, and she'll love me for what ever thats inside, simply because she loves the outside. Enough of talking to myself, enjoy a poem that imma write now.


i see people passing by
as i sit here, waiting to die
the clothes on my back are torn
but these are the only clothes i have ever worn

I dont remember my life before i was like this
i dont remember joy, i dont remember fun, i don remember bliss
Would u spare me my lifeline, my salvation
my basic needs since creation?

I dont care who u are and what u do
because to me all i need is u
to give me things that i can use
or to turn me away, for that u choose.

Who am I... 

I stand here looking down and seeing the world
seeing people pass this lonely little girl
standing here up so high
look at me, i think i can fly.

I couldnt stand living anymore
waking up is such a bore
now this is such a joy
killing myself, for a boy.

i see nothing but stars
or are those pretty little cars
i dont care i want to go
to that place where lilies grow.

Falling down wouldnt be painful
seeing me dead would be so joyful!
i want the world to be in pain
while i sit down and laugh at their bane.

I hate you.....Who am I?


ANSWERS:




One day a beggar and a suicidal lil girl went out and in the end two lives were saved because the beggar saved hers by doing what he does best and the girl saved his by making him feel as though as he had something better he could do in life. They lived happily ever after until they died in a car crash the next year. The end

When i have no vent.

I cannot stand to see happy people... i'm crushed, as always. Put down so many times that i cant remember whens the last time, i felt loved, i cant remember how it felt to be loved, and i cant remember how it felt to be able to look someone in the eye and feel happy. i miss my life. when i'm gone no one is going to be able to feel anything because they wont remember. but i will remember, all those who broke me down and all those who lifted me up. i know now who cares and who doesnt give half a shit. i wrote a poem in class its a first in many months, its more mature, but dark and its me, and its how my creative mind works. Enjoy

Timeless air in the eyes of the night
Sorrow tears flow out of her sight
Rumors spread like big black flies
But still she feels, cries and eventually dies

No one could help the poor old girl
in the room, on her bed she would curl
and in every night she would wake
and little children in her oven she would bake.

Morning to her is like a dream
never real but she still hears the screams
She ignores the food and continues to bake
the little children on the children cake.

This sick story of a girl named mary
is about her habits which are so scary
taking a knife and a fork
to eat her meal and walk her dog

Funny how this story ends
Mary misses her little Ben
She couldnt stand that he was food
But he tasted ooh soo good!

After all the children were gone
Mary realized what she had done
She stood up. walked out to fill her lungs
Then back into the house, herself she hung.

And in the funeral of bloody mary
all of town came and she was buried
People rejoiced and were so happy
So they decided to have a party.

At this party, all was there
kids ran free. happy with no care
And for the big finale, there was a man in a coat
that brought a big cake, inside concealed a note

The people all enjoyed the feast
eating the cake like so many beasts
Everyone finished eating the cake and found the note
and the note wrote...

"Thank you for eating my big beautiful cake,
You should learn what i put in when i bake
All of you have lost one child
I chopped them up with little style

Maybe you tasted something good
or something that would change your mood
You finally tasted what bloody mary bakes
All your little children on the children cake".

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance.

For that break, that makes it all okay. Theres always some reason to feel not good enough. i have abandoned hope, i just wanna live my life through. There was once sometime last year, my ex told me " no girl wont die wan la" and i said to her, yeah i know. I meant it and i still mean it, but the thing is its not the girl... its the feeling that u belong with someone and that you put yourself out there for someone to love. Since then i have had certain revelations, i noticed that some people have just chosen their paths, some dont know that they're lost. some like me are just lost, and its not that we dont want to find ourselves again, but we just cant, because i am personally an emotional junkie. I need activities that either numb me, or bring out a certain emotion, be it anger, depression or sorrow. I dont mind. Hope is not an emotion. People do not change. So i will not. Accept that there are no good people in the world anymore. No one is good, not even me. Not anyone i've loved before and certainly not the people i love now. No one is good, the world is lost. Inside everybody is ugly, ugly like me. So for now, the people who dont see me for their reasons, for the people who dont give a shit and for the people i love and care for, be sad now, cry now, because when i'm gone i dont want to see a tear, because the world is meant to be cold, i learnt that just today. The world doesnt care about you. God doesnt care. So why should I? why should i care about all of you when u dont care about me?

Talk in everlasting words and dedicate them all to me.

the sky was dark when i moved in, when i met ur eyes, when ur mouth opened to speak. You said " Hello, can i make u smile ", and i said " if u make me smile, i'll do anything to make sure u smile too ". i didnt know how much i would have loved u, i didnt get the chance, i know now, that i would have loved u more than anything. i would've cherished u, i wouldve held u i wouldve tried everything to make u want me, to make u happy, to make u feel like there isnt and wouldnt have anything better in this world. But as i said before the sky was dark and i couldnt have u, i couldnt cherish u, i couldnt love you because i never actually had the chance. did i try too hard to make u smile? your answer was no. Now its a different story, now i cant go back, now i cant make u love me, its because u already think of somebody else when u sleep, when u dream u dont dream of me. Sometimes i tell myself thats a good thing, because i want to share your dreams, so if u were dreaming of me, i wouldnt want to be dreaming of myself... i'd want to be dreaming of you.

but the sweetest dream will never do and thats cause up until now, i still do love you.

but nobody knows it but me

And you ask yourself again.

the question always is how much do you want something? Would it be so much that you'd do anything? Let go of any principle, of any friendship? I have. I have given up many things for people, and i would give up anything for you. I've known you for years now. i think i made so many mistakes in the past, you are another one who i regret not coming back for, funny i know u'd read this but i dont really care if u do, cause u'd probably not know its you HAHA! oh my readers, its not who u expect. i'll probably be able to contain myself, i'll not say things that i should not, i promise. Well its not for u, oh no, its for him.

Fall Right Every Attempt Karma Yells Doing Evil Activities Kill You

sometimes when we look at people we love we look at them differently, like when i was with chin i saw the world in her even if everybody knew that she wasnt a good person, i saw good in her, i saw everything in her, because i loved her. so yeah, i now understand that we arent perfect, but in the eyes of somebody else, we just might be