Spend all your time waiting for that second chance.

For that break, that makes it all okay. Theres always some reason to feel not good enough. i have abandoned hope, i just wanna live my life through. There was once sometime last year, my ex told me " no girl wont die wan la" and i said to her, yeah i know. I meant it and i still mean it, but the thing is its not the girl... its the feeling that u belong with someone and that you put yourself out there for someone to love. Since then i have had certain revelations, i noticed that some people have just chosen their paths, some dont know that they're lost. some like me are just lost, and its not that we dont want to find ourselves again, but we just cant, because i am personally an emotional junkie. I need activities that either numb me, or bring out a certain emotion, be it anger, depression or sorrow. I dont mind. Hope is not an emotion. People do not change. So i will not. Accept that there are no good people in the world anymore. No one is good, not even me. Not anyone i've loved before and certainly not the people i love now. No one is good, the world is lost. Inside everybody is ugly, ugly like me. So for now, the people who dont see me for their reasons, for the people who dont give a shit and for the people i love and care for, be sad now, cry now, because when i'm gone i dont want to see a tear, because the world is meant to be cold, i learnt that just today. The world doesnt care about you. God doesnt care. So why should I? why should i care about all of you when u dont care about me?