I no longer have inspiration to do anything anymore. i want this to end. i want to die. I guess naturally wont do anymore. I want to end this now.
I learnt today that nobody stands with me. People are cruel and unkind. No matter who they are. Parents, siblings and the people out there. They stab u at the back and they smile in your face and when u catch them doing it they start screaming at u and tell u its your fault. The worst feeling for me now is to have someone promise me they are by my side and then stab me in the back. Someone u respect and idolize. Someone who smiles at you and with you everyday when watching u grow up. I respected you, you were my brother. Now that's gone too.
Now i know dad, u would do anything to get what you want. Every despicable way to get what you want and cut every corner to achieve what u need. Compassion, kindred associations, unconditional love and pride are alien to you.
All your talks on religion, understanding, trust and integrity are all lies. For you have not shown any of these qualities. Ever. Religion? Hah! Religious people do not act the way u act. I wake up in shit everyday of my life now because of you. I will never be a person of worth now because of you.
You have taught me how to never be a father.
I wont have the opportunity now. To correct the mistakes u have made.
Ah and the inspiration fades from me now...
We have around 100 days left in my tank and after that i would be able to take the pain anymore. Goodbye.
