You are nothing, but everything at the same time

the trees grow and the fires burn
but i want the keys of life to turn
turn the wheels that push the sky
Skies that turn to dust when they cry

how long can one endure life without the sky
how long can one endure life without a lie
i wish i could see all the answers of the world
i wish i could hear the pleas of the twirl

i really wanna go to a place so perfect and pure
after im done here i can go and do some more
im really lost now confused and spinning round and round
waiting for someone to save me like a princess about to drown

Oh im a girl im a coward and and a lie
im a lil princess hanging, about to die
waiting for knights to come so i can steal their soul
to fill my heart of stone, to feed my head with coal

This is what someone has said to me today
i am but a boy, playing the world of clay
The girl i wish to save thinks of me as not
not a boy, not a man, rather a pretty pussy pot

i cannot say much as i am here and now
this is because im done, here to take a bow
u can think as u wish, and i can be who i am
im a man wishing for too much, too much of what i am

u can call me names, tell me im not good enough
u can tell me that u need all the diamonds in the rough
but i can only reach thus far, because i am but a jest
to save u now, oh a damsel in distress,

U are everything but u want to be nothing
So now i will tell u nothing, to give u everything
I will not be a girl, i will be a knight
so one day i can sweep u off into the light

But i feel i cannot.
Cannot give you all u sought
because again as u said, im but a princess
a damsel in distress.

Eternal slumber

i miss you. i miss your terribly. With tears rolling down my cheeks, muscles straining and funny sounds coming from my mouth, i miss you. Quivering in darkness of my mind once again made lonely by the absence of you. The last three months however tormenting was in actuality, bliss for my soul and i had hoped for more than empty words of trial and tribulations. I had hoped that you would have tried harder or even longer.... I wished in all my soul that we could grow old together and as i am writing this now, i am crying like a little boy. Tears in this has resulted from me being hopeful again when i had swore never to be, after my heart got shattered into dust just 3 years before and now, after trying drastically to put it together it has been vaporized once again. I now can no longer feel warm. I can no longer feel anything. I wanted to make things right. i wanted to help you change yourself into something better. Fix your family, fix your friends and fix Justin. With fixing your family, our new family can be formed and your path to a career can be formed too. With fixing your friends, bonds and memories can be created and with fixing Justin, I could have time with you and him and never have to choose. We had to sacrifice seeing each other for a while. I dont understand why distance has to affect our love. I love you all the same no matter the distance, in fact, i'd love you more with distance. But i guess u had just decided not to try. I had let go of everything and gave i all to u and u decide not to try. i dont wanna go on. i dont wanna live this wretched life. I am going away. im going to my eternal slumber now. Good bye.    

Oh Dear I must have gave u the answer!

When we write we write in black
All the stories our lives are lacked
Can you see the dashes and strokes
or the commas written in jokes

Some times we see the end of time
when a full stop tries to end the rhyme
I would much rather be a pause
Why oh why? Oh, Just... Because!

Because sometimes we see no end
so a comma comes in and lends a hand
a comma means there is some more
even when life closes the door

You may see me as now and then
You may see me as a friend
But when u look, look again
maybe somewhere there is a frame

a frame that leads your heart to me
a comma to be, full stops a three
We will never ever stop
creating a discovery on the roofs atop

For the future holds what i do not know
Im sure there will be many highs and many lows
But does not matter where we are
Like the punctuation, on the bar.

We are but commas, and exclamations!
But we're never structured, in formations
We go where ever and when ever
Its funny that we last forever

So Cynthia dear what do u say
Should we take the leap and fly away?
Or should we go deep in  pens Blue
Or to the Black that we hold so true

Sometimes there gonna be some red
but baby i hope, its not on the bed
Keep my heart close, dont let it crack
and remember dear, to write in black

Crossing hearts

u keep sayin that i repeat everything ive said to every other girl but u dont know that these girls are like the stars and im only waiting for one star to end my endless search for the sun. .

The sun is a star, bright as can be
Its never too far, but far as it may be
I can see it, everyday and sometimes at night
But into the fray, my fists they fight

You are to me, the brightest light
You are to me, the darkest night
i can no longer see, for this way to go
i can no longer be, this boat i row

i can never tell what is true or false
what is tinkerbell and what is claus
my eyes are dark, deafening silence
my mouth a shark, blocking entrance

Funny how i love you so
and carry my heart for you to throw
break or bend, i do not care
my heart to you, i will share

Even though its all broken
they will still be a token
for you to hold, for u to break
for you to put on a birthday cake

i give u all my trust above
i will still be there, my love
Through the dark and lonely night
I will still, try to be your light

To guide the way however lost
to give you love no matter the cost
remember this, my love to you
is in this poem, i hold so true

 

You deserve it. End of Story

i wrote this the day u went away.

I know i fucked up in some way and the only things a=i could think of is these few things. and i will rectify them now,

Your sister left you when u needed her the most. I will never. I will always be by your side. I'll be your sky so whenever you look up. I'll be there to catch you.

Your past boyfriend locked you up and that past week i know you kinda felt that way. Never again. I'll bring you out and nobody is going to ever tell me different because they're gonna have to accept it. They're gonna have to accept you because i said so, and they should love you because i love everything about u. Everything.

end.

I'm sorry. If u dont think u deserve me. I think differently. I dont care if u think u dont. I think you do. if you really say that you've fallen for me, then prove it. Dont run away. Dont be in denial. Prove it. Cause i swear if u back out and leave unknowingly of how it might have worked out, i will be in so much pain. Pain u cant imagine. So if you ever think that you're gonna be bad for me, then think again cause without u, it's gonna be worse. I love you baby. No matter what i still will. Forever and ever babe.

Dead inside

I feel like the title of this post. I feel hollow and i feel like i cant see the future anymore. This is not because of you, i know that.... you were the catalyst, u made it happen but you're not the cause. i have been the pillar of strength for so many that i forget how it is to be strong, not appear strong. it happened to me long before this. I am lost and i want to be found. but there is nobody. I dont blame u. I was stupid as fuck to believe that i was special. i should stop doing that. i am not special to anyone. Nor will i ever be. This poem is about me and how i see the world.  It cant stop. I will no longer be able to stop those thoughts and death is creeping up to me now. Again and again i try to stop it, but i cant. No not anymore. I wont stop it anymore.

i cant look up at the sky
it bleeds it cries cries cries
i cant see the sun
i can no longer run run run

i can no longer feel
my hair fall or my skin peel
i feel the songs about to end
no change of heart to bend

i think he's coming to get me
i can feel him, close as can be
creeping he is, slowly churning
pulling me down, lovely burning

i cant write anymore, no more.. i will finish this soon... i cant now...i just cant.

The Wind

Very simple i can see
that your smile has set me free
So much so i know the pain
of not being able to feel again

i felt so much within this time
so much so i can no longer rhyme
so the airs i breathe can no longer be
the air that you should share with me

u made me laugh, u made me smile
and all i could think was u, for awhile
and then u go, like the wind
disappearing from under my skin

the trees will continue to grow
but im sure u will continue to blow
the winds u are and shall never stop
even when the misty mountains drop

there are people who say out loud
that the wind blows loud and proud
the way we see the world will die
is when the wind tells a lie

what became of loud and proud
the people would say its just a cloud
promising all, ever joy
leaves me a dry and lonely boy

i'd kill those people who told me lies
who sent me out here to die
and this is my, last protest
before i stab this knife to my chest

Before i go, i throw the blame
you should really be ashamed
of all the lies u told to me
about never having the need to leave

i cant take 4 more years
of these warm, bloody tears
this is my last goodbye
hey at least i can say i tried

the warmth i miss
the wanted kiss
the voice so tender
the dead befriender

i want so much for the winds to stop
where i am on the roofs atop
take away, this breaking pain
so much, so i can feel again.
Cynthia

All the perfects, perfecting away

perfect....that word passes me by everyday of my life. I let perfect go by every 3 months or so. Im so happy for you but also im unhappy....Im unhappy now because what is true is always alone....so the truth is loneliness. Thats the truth. I will never find anyone as good and that accepts me for who i am... and that, says alot.

Today my best friend got what he wanted, what he really wanted for all his life he has wanted it. I on the other hand felt abandoned. I felt as though as i am alone now in this world. He left me there to find somrthing i could never find. He found it and im extremely happy for him. I keep like i accomplished an impossible task and then i realized that it wasnt that impossible. I now realize that getting my own... is impossible and i feel abandoned. i feel like i will never find perfect. I feel like crying. I feel like dying. This feeling wont go away.... Not now and i feel...not ever. I keep watching people pass by in packages and im just sitting around alone and waiting for the bus that never arrives.