Lost in every way, but what would i have to do, to be found

i dont understand why i cannot be everything that they wanted, everything that they needed. i dont understand why i must fall for people that love other people already, why cant i love whats right in front of me. why? is she not good enough, no. but for some reason i dont love her, not yet and i dont know when will i. i still love the girl that loves somebody else, all the girls that i have ever loved, currently loves someone else, currently doesnt think of me, they dont even know my existence, they dont care. even if i passed away, they wouldnt care, they wouldnt know. i want to give a testimony to all i have loved, that actually mean something right now, its not like theyd read it so it doesnt matter.

Firstly, she was the one that really really got to me, in such a short time, i cant even type her name out here, its not that i care whether she reads it or not, its like i cant even utter her name, thats how bad it was, thats how much i want to forget that she could have been the next Jil. but i'll try, her name is beautiful, ordinary but beautiful. Sueanne... yeah thats it. i could have been happy, for once. she is with someone else now, he is lucky, he is so goddamned lucky. if i had to explain how and why i fell for her i would have to split this post into 4 sections, but those of you that want to know then please be free to comment. all u have to know is that i tried and didnt get there, once because of a certain someone and secondly because shit happens. i thought about it and i think friends would be good.


Secondly, is my exgirlfriend, oh how i loved her. this name is easy to say, cause i've said it for 2 long years. Her name is Chinlee. I really loved her, right until the end and after i still loved her. i'm disappointed at myself because i couldnt make her love me, she gave me up in a month, 2 years worth of memories gone in month. i hate myself, because in the last months i gave her shit, i gave her ingratitude, i didnt give her attention, i messed up alot, but so did she, she crossed boundaries that a proper gf should not cross. i miss her smile and her laugh, i miss the way she gets manja and annoyed, i miss all that. to explain my love for her it take a long ass post too, i know her rep out there isnt good, but no one knows her like i do, and shes not all that bad, yeah cunning, yeah she mindfucks gao gao but she treated me well, well up to those last months. i hold no grudges to u or your new beau, so please i'm asking you, please dont make it hard on me being around you or around your new friends, please just act as though i am not there, at least just let me be there without seeing your angry/annoyed face. Lets just be friends, its not hard to do.

Yeah for now thats it but i do currently "like" somebody, but the best part is shes also engaged in a relationship with someone, and yes it bums me out, yet again. I still dont understand why, i must love someone who loves someone else. i think i should just stay single for sometime, until i pass on to the other side. goodbye